I never want to see another naked old woman again.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
