i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
