Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize