I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
