the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's shark week go big or go home
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize