Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
