it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
