The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
