I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize