i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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