have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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