Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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