I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Vodka?
Forever.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
