didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
