I would go down on you faster than GM stock
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
