I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
