you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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