I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
