well you can't waste a boner
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
