youre lurking in front of me
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He shit in the fireplace
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
