Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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