I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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