Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
