just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
