saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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