My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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