"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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