I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize