She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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