you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
