i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
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