i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize