i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
