her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
