I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
