Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
