guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
