If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
