it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
