I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize