The maid of honor just puked.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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