Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
