If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize