he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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