The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
