I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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