Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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