the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
