so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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