the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Houston, we have a squirter
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
