would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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