HIV tests are more positive than that guy
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
