in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
