Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize