Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
