I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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