He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
