I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
