So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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