Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
