Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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