His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
