I heard we made out
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
