Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
