We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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