oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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