my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
