thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Your cock deserves a montage
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
