I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he shaved USA in his pubs
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I am mentally ready for anal.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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