Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize