I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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