You were right. It hurts to walk today.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
