you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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