I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
