i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
