his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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