I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
