you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
