you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
pray to the hookup gods
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
