I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I think your dad took our porno
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
