i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
