if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
