I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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