she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
false alarm. still invincible.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
