hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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