sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
