Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize