he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
should my penis look like a turkey
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize