I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
