my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
