On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
