Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
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