he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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