took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize