I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
