Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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