if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just blew my weed a kiss
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
