that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
