I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
