I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
