We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
