Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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