Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
