I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
